Silence perpetrates the abuse. Whether it comes in the form of sexual
harassment, sexual misconduct or sexual assault, most women have experienced it
in one form or another. The statistics I
learned long ago in my sexual assault crisis counselor training are that one in
every three women are a victim of sexual abuse.
Those numbers only represent those who have spoken, been heard, and
tallied. Everyone reacts in their own
unique way. Not everyone speaks. We cannot presume to know how each woman
feels.
I was thinking it was time for me
to find my voice. #metoo I happened to
run into a female friend at the post office this morning who echoed my very
thoughts, that abuse of women is
normal. It has become a way of life.
For me, it started in childhood
with my family and then it was reinforced in school and work. It mattered not what type of job I had
whether a waitress in a pizza parlor or a prosecuting attorney. It is pervasive everywhere. “Normal”.
Surely, it is not a good
normal. I, like many, have been hoping
it would change.
What I know from my own personal
experience as well as working with other women, is that sexual misconduct
whatever its form, affects us intricately.
It is insidious, a thread that winds itself through so much of who we
are. It can affect everything from our
body image, our self-esteem, our judgment, our confidence, job performance, our
relationships and so much more. Each
woman must choose for herself her own unique healing journey, hopefully, back
to wellness and wholeness.
We have learned to be silent
because it has never really been safe to speak up. We are often blamed and not taken seriously. Sometimes speaking up can even cause further
abuse.
I am speaking only to the abuse of
women because it is my perspective from who I am.
No matter what form the abuse has
taken it is a violation to a woman. It is additional abuse to minimize it. It is additional abuse to discount it. It is additional abuse to silence her. It is additional abuse to do nothing.
The day that Donald Trump became
president despite allegations of sexual abuse was a very dark day for me. It indicated how far we have yet to travel in
the fair and just treatment of women. I personally
felt violated and unsafe once again. If
this conduct was not a bar to service in the highest office in the country how
can there be any hope at all.
What has been in the news lately
about women coming forward and being heard is surprising. Not that there are so many of them. Not that it is present in all walks of
life. But, that something is finally
being done about it.
It has occurred to me that perhaps
we (as a people) really did need to go about this the hard way. Perhaps it had to get so bad and patently obvious
that there was no denying it any longer.
All through my life when I heard a report
of a woman being harmed and not being honored it felt like a personal
affront. I felt each time it happened
that it proved how much I deserved all I had experienced at the hands of men
who had the power and authority to hurt me.
Over the years of my own healing
journey, I have come to understand that the opposite is true. When a known abuser was acquitted, or transferred
rather than fired, or elected to high office, it did not reflect upon me at
all.
I know now with absolute certainty
that I matter. My thoughts and feelings,
my body and my choice, all matter. I
deserve honor and respect. All beings
do.
Ellen simplifies the sentiment so profoundly
when she reminds us to be kind to one another.
It is not hard to do. All spiritual
practices and religions encompass some form of the creed to do unto
others. It is a good place to
start.
Breaking the silence is a wonderful
beginning. We must never underestimate
the power of the woman.
